"Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?" -David Letterman
"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel." -David Letterman
"For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home." -David Letterman
"Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard." -David Letterman
"Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger." -David Letterman
"USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population." -David Letterman
"Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television." -David Letterman
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